Everyone Who Is Me

what i have been waiting for

2006-03-03T23:13:00.000-04:00

bliss (blĭs) n.

Extreme happiness; ecstasy.
The ecstasy of salvation; spiritual joy.

the best laid Plans

2005-08-18T12:59:00.000-03:00

i recommend that you pick up the new Death Cab for Cutie when it is released on the 30th. i idly speculate that it is, uh, i mean will be, great.

life lesson this week: you sometimes can't have what you really want, and sometimes you are blindsided by what you never expected. a map would be handy right now.

once and future king

2005-08-16T12:11:00.000-03:00

it is a beautiful day. the sun shines, a cool breeze hints that change is coming.

and change is inherently good, right? this is the consolation of a kaleidoscopic life - how the subtlest change in persepctive presents a new view that is both chaotic and novel, unfamiliar and engaging.

so here i am, 10 pounds lighter and, maybe, 10 pounds wiser. i wouldn't want to always measure my experience so tangibly. the weight i can't afford, the education i couldn't live without. do you ever feel like you're not living your life, rather, it's just a sequence of events that happen to you? and doesn't it feel good when you're ready to take the wheel again?

wake up. open your eyes. life begins again, and we're burning daylight.

odd

2005-06-02T12:49:00.000-03:00

why does the cashier at North Street Sobeys welcome you to the register?

hello kitty

2005-06-01T11:52:00.000-03:00

relaxing

2005-05-29T02:16:00.000-03:00

looking forward to a day off tomorrow after a 5-day stretch at work (which are surprisingly rare, so kind of rough when you have to work them). another 5-day stint starts on Monday, with new team members... oh well, it's never boring. :)

i hope it doesn't rain tomorrow, but it doesn't look promising...

acting!

2005-05-25T13:34:00.000-03:00

went and saw Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith the other night. some of the dialogue and delivery was just excruciating. we arrived fairly late, so we had to sit in the front row and fight motion sickness the whole time. we laughed a lot (the pointing and laughing kind, not the sympathetic kind). i agree with kat that Natalie Portman may not be much of an actress, but there was a scene featuring McGregor and Portman after which i felt, "gee, it was nice to see some legitimate acting in a two hour and twenty minute movie." when McGregor cuts Hayden Christensen's limbs off, i knew it was really one actor critiquing another's performance.

sometimes you're flipping channels, and exactly the movie you want to see is on. late one night last week i found Donnie Darko in my surfing. i really enjoy that movie. it appeals to that suppressed sense i have that there is something creepy and disturbing, possibly malevolent lurking just outside my field of view. it's threatening and fatalistic, full of apprehension about doom that can't be avoided. plus, i like the cover of Mad World that plays over the end credits. :)

more new stuff on please listen.

all sweetness and light

2005-05-23T15:17:00.000-03:00

new stuff over on please listen... has anybody been checking it out?

good gig at Gus's Pub last night. BA Johnston is sooo hilarious. the Sweet Tenders rocked the dance floor as well. the Sweet Tarts rocked the table i was sitting at.

how's work?

2005-05-18T04:26:00.000-03:00

escalations questions time-cards monitors calibration tardies absences email adjustments payroll discrepancies sales figures coaching vacation requests quarterly self shift swaps clarifications reports audits corrections scheduling 4am

it's later than i think

2005-05-11T03:47:00.000-03:00

there's nothing quite like getting off work at 3:30am. did you know the birds are singing at that time? they must have less sense than i do. someday, maybe, i'll get the hang of this and be able to put in an eight and a half hour shift and go home...

back to reality

2005-05-09T13:28:00.000-03:00

back to work today after 8 days off. i had a great vacation for having not gone anywhere. now, it's back to getting on top of things that i let slide while i was off. so, i did some very exciting laundry this morning, and tomorrow morning i'll go pay some exhilarating bills at Mic Mac Mall and buy thrilling groceries.

they are night zombies

2005-05-06T12:46:00.000-03:00

went over to the Death From Above 1979 show pretty early last night. i was worried that we might not get in, since the tickets at CDPlus had sold out. it turned out that 7:30 was a bit too early (who knew?). so, i went and got a coffee at the 'Chase and wandered around for a while, listening to You're a Woman, I'm a Machine and Illinois. ran into Tobin, who as you may know is an urban artist here in Halifax - he was working on a piece outside Strange Adventures. he and i were friends as teenagers, so it was fun to catch up with him. i climbed Citadel Hill and took some pictures of the setting sun. what a beautiful night. went back and checked the Attic, still no line. dropped into Cheers for info, but they couldn't tell me anything beyond the Attic opens sometime between 10 and 10:30, and they should be selling tickets then. i reward them for their inability to answer my questions by buying a beer.

after i finish my beer, i go outside to find that a line has begun to form at the Attic. i get in line and pass the time talking to the people behind me about Sufjan Stevens and the wood flavouring that they must put in non-mint toothpicks. there is a relatively minor car accident down the street for our entertainment. Katrina arrives and we wait until 10:45 or so to get in. Uncut is not too bad, their songs are serviceable and i enjoy most of their set. Controller.Controller bores me, although i'm oddly distracted by the female lead singer's armpits, which she keeps showing us. i think she was proud of the close shave provided by her triple blade razor (no brand names). DFA 1979 is really great, but the mosh pit that breaks out with the first song just reminds me of putting every bully i've ever known on a dance floor. you spend more time trying to stay on your feet than actually listening to the music. i'm not advocating that we should sit around in red leather wingback chairs, with pipes and smoking jackets, listening to DFA 1979, but spending most of your time fighting off the weight and beer showers of 150 drunken jackasses is crazy. grr.

in the end, it's quarter after two in the morning and there is no meat-on-a-stick to be found, which is very sad. we settle for pizza and pop. aside from Controller.Controller and the mosh pit, i had a great night.

sympathy

2005-05-03T00:53:00.000-03:00

to continue a discussion i was having with Becka and Jim, to what extent should we be sympathetic towards the "monsters" amongst us? the song "John Wayne Gacy, Jr." by Sufjan Stevens (lyrics below) is a beautiful, haunting and compelling song - it has elements of horror and revulsion, but in abstracting some of the details of Gacy's life and killings, it lends a certain romanticism and innocence that i'm not sure i'm entirely comfortable with. certainly, the song asks us to identify with him, and if you've read the quote from Terence at the top of this page, you know that i consider it possible to recognize any human behaviour in ourselves. i'm also planning to see Downfall on Wednesday night, which i'm told has been criticized for portraying Hitler too symapthetically. in these cases, do we have to narrow the category of "human" behaviour, and in so doing, making it unnecessary to explain it or understand it? is it deviant to create beautiful art about a horrifying subject? i'd be very interested to hear what anyone has to say on this subject.

his father was a drinker
and his mother cried in bed
folding John Wayne's t-shirts
when the swing set hit his head
the neighbors, they adored him
for his humor and his conversation
look underneath the house, there
find the few living things
rotting fast in their sleep of the dead
twenty-seven people
even more
they were boys
with their cars, summer jobs
oh my god
are you one of them
he dressed up like a clown for them
with his face paint, white and red
and on his best behavior
in a dark room on the bed
he kissed them all
he'd kill ten thousand people
with a sleight of his hand
running far, running fast
to the dead
he took off all their clothes for them
he put a cloth on their lips
quiet hands, quiet kiss
on the mouth
and in my best behavior
i am really just like him
look beneath the floorboards
for the secrets i have hid

a full and satisfying day

2005-05-03T00:26:00.000-03:00

Monday was a good day. i caught up on some sleep in the morning and almost felt human again. jumped on a bus to Spring Garden Road and had a million-calorie meal at McDonalds (take that, Super Size Me). met up with Becka for coffee at the Mud Room, and Jim joined us when he finished work. walked to south end Sobeys with them and bought some Lindt chocolates (all about the calories today). we walked back to their place and hung out for a while, then i left to go see Game Over: Kasparov and the Machine (Kasparov vs. Deep Blue, 1997; definitely biased toward Kasparov, who felt the IBM team were conspiring to defeat him at all costs; some stylistic elements were irritatingly repetitive). met up with Katrina, Lisa and Dan to see Kung Fu Hustle (incredibly fun; some scenes outright hilarious; fight scenes satisfying; too many buttocks; a hero should have indie rock hair). plus, it was a beautiful day!

sometimes, no matter how hard you try to deny it, life is good. so, when do i have to pay back the karma i spent today? :)

invitation

2005-05-01T15:02:00.000-03:00

the title says it all. please listen.

laborious relationships

2005-04-27T11:58:00.000-03:00

long day today. have to go into work early for some kind of Labour Relations training. i can assure you that it will be every bit as exciting as it sounds. i will be happy to provide a summary later for anyone who feels that their relations with labour could be improved.

inconspicuous consumption

2005-04-26T12:03:00.000-03:00

in my opinion, President's Choice Chai Tea is not as good as the STASH variety. i'm just saying.

listening to:
The Decemberists - Castaways and Cutouts
The Decemberists - Picaresque
M83 - Before the Dawn Heals Us
Fischerspooner - Odyssey
Of Montreal - The Sunlandic Twins
British Sea Power - The Decline of British Sea Power
Genesis - A Trick of the Tail

watched Super Size Me last night. it made me feel hungry.

what?!?

recent shows

2005-04-25T00:36:00.000-03:00

Holy Shroud (Apr 8, the band had driven back from playing Montreal the previous night), Mitch and the Motorhomes (Apr 15, great show marred only by the fact that the Khyber Ballroom has no ventilation and the room was approximately 150 degrees), Sharp Like Knives (Apr 25, NSCAD Grad Party, hope the pics will be a suitable consolation to anyone who didn't get to see Messrs. Paul and Michael on stage together...) i kid! ;)

change

2005-04-19T11:37:00.000-03:00

the news of the last week or so:

i have been assigned my own team at work, which is another step up the ladder for me. i anticipate being watched fairly closely by management given some of the difficulties i ran into previously, and one of my team members is already trying to drive me crazy, but overall this is a positive development. one downside is that my shifts have changed back to nights, which puts a crimp in my ability to socialize.

another positive development is the arrival today of divorce paperwork from Fredericton. since i've already moved on emotionally speaking, and have no interest in reconciliation, it will be good to put this all behind me. i'm hoping that everything will be finished by the end of May.

this too shall pass

2005-04-10T23:27:00.000-03:00

you all know how much i love to be cryptic, so i hope you'll indulge me when i say:

the situation has resolved itself. everyone is fine.

thank you. we now return you to your regularly scheduled surfing.

when i take my glasses off sometimes i feel like superman

2005-03-29T01:12:00.000-04:00

omigod omigod everybody omigod

rock night in canada

2005-03-27T17:51:00.000-04:00

another thrilling conclusion

2005-03-18T07:35:00.000-04:00

tonight's exciting adventure is... buying groceries!

thank you for your attention, and for making the effort to stifle your yawns.

UPDATE: just came home from work. they need to me to take a Team Leader shift tonight, since one of the other TLs is sick. so, i'll be off at 1:30, and i'll need to change my shift tomorrow so that i don't have to come in at 8:45...

change is inherently good

2005-03-14T09:54:00.000-04:00

shift change... now i'm working until 1:30am tonight. oh well, i'll take all the Team Leader roles i can get.

have to run around Halifax tomorrow - pick up my debit card that i left at Buckley's on Saturday (grrr), exchange incorrect RAM, pay phone and cable bills...

bankrupt on selling

2005-03-13T13:52:00.000-04:00

swag i picked up with income tax money on Wednesday: 160GB hard drive, 256MB video card, 256MB RAM, DVD burner. have to exchange the RAM since i bought the wrong damn kind. i'm pretty happy with the prices i paid at Robotnik out in the business park.

after brunch on Saturday, went and bought a Norman acoustic guitar with Jim's assistance (many thanks!). i'm really happy with the sound, and if i learn to play it, it should last me quite a while. my fingertips are bruised and sore - hope to build up some calluses...

listening to new Lou Barlow, new LCD Soundsystem, new Bravery, old Modest Mouse. good times!

i wanna love life

2005-03-08T12:57:00.000-04:00

listening to all kinds of interesting music, working on special projects, getting the laundry done... it's a full life here in Highfield Park.

the interview went as well as could be expected yesterday. i hate behavioural interview questions. "Can you tell us a specific time that you were working as part of a team where there was conflict with a peer, and how you resolved it?" bleh.

late night at work again tonight, but tomorrow off. i think i might run some errands and spend my income tax refund. good times!

once upon a time in my life

2005-03-05T08:29:00.000-04:00

so, here's the recap for everyone trying to fill out their bingo cards:

Sat Feb 26: brunch with James, Jim, Katrina, Dan, Lisa, Rod and Marla. Mike showed up late and was off to a house viewing. Katrina and I went with him, but didn't want to intrude, so ended up watching a country band at Gus' Pub, which was enjoyable until they busted out Brown Eyed Girl...

Sun Feb 27: my dad came to town. we went out to dinner and then joined everyone at Jim and Becka's for Oscar night. a good time had by all.

Mon Feb 28: court in Shubenacadie (previously mentioned here). back in Dartmouth, ran out to the mall to pick up a few things, including a coffee maker (hard to believe i've been in my apartment 7 months without one) and the DVD box set of The Office. spent the evening watching series 1 - the show's speciality is the humour of prolonged agony. i love it.

Tues Mar 1: spend the morning watching the rest of The Office. get a call from work later in the afternoon offering me a Team Leader shift for the evening, turn it down since it's technically my day off, it's short notice and i want to rest up for surgery the next day. the dentist's office calls to confirm my appointment, i find out that the surgery is actually only going to take half an hour, instead of the 2-4 hours i thought it would. reschedule the appointment for later on Wednesday to make the logistics work.

Wed Mar 2: head out to buy groceries before i go to surgery. cab driver for the trip home turns out to be a guy who my father was best friends with 40 years ago - my dad was best man at his wedding in 1967! one of his sons (who was one of my playmates in early years) is a programmer for Activision in LA, which vaguely irritates me. off to surgery for 3:20, Katrina comes along to make sure i get home and watch over me while i come off the sedation. i don't really remember much between "Are you starting to feel the sedation?" and making tea in my apartment afterwards. i think i remember paying for my prescription at the Superstore. i really hate gaps in my memory! so many thanks to Katrina for putting up with what was probably a lot of incoherent babbling, and i think i'm a bit of a headstrong patient... if i may use one of her lines, "so deserving of the love..." :)

Thurs Mar 3: recovery day. watch The Hours on the Movie Network. it's really, really good. full of rich emotional textures and great performances. spend most of the rest of the day sleeping on and off, looking less like Eric Stoltz from Mask as the day goes on.

Fri Mar 4: the swelling has almost completely disappeared at this point. back to work, spent most of the day on the phones (not so fun, but less stressful than being in a Team Leader role), they pull me for assistance on the floor for the last couple of hours, which is better.

so now you know.

don't teach him how to cook that'd kill him

2005-03-04T09:52:00.000-04:00

more comic voodoo:

my new filing technique is unstoppable: link
awkward comic moments: link

miscellaneous:
Tim Horton's accounts for 22 per cent of NS litter: link
Filmmaker will not cut cat pouncing on dead pigeon: link

i get my MSG from digital TV

2005-03-02T08:35:00.000-04:00

cartoon voodoo:

Superfriends cartoon video mashed with Office Space audio: link
Spiderman Bible Stories: link
Batman/Taxman/Wipeout/PDA: link

day in court

2005-02-28T21:36:00.000-04:00

appeared in court in Shubenacadie today, to help my ex defend against a speeding ticket she received when i moved to Dartmouth as a result of our separation. we were successful. this has been hanging over my head since May of last year, and i'm so glad it's done. i have completed my responsibilities there: here's to moving on.

thursday night at Gus' Pub

2005-02-25T11:47:00.000-04:00

jumped on the bus after work to see the Nymphets and the Maynards. as usual, i was there much too early. so, i sat and nursed my beer, listening to hits of the 70s, 80s and 90s, exchanging text messages with James (who was at the Marquee), and watching people come and go. eventually the Nymphets took the stage - sad to say, i was less than impressed. the night began to get a bit bizarre during their set, though. a tall young man arrived (who I believe to be an exchange student from an African country) and immediately upon coming in the door began waving and speaking to no one in particular. eventually he took to the floor to perform some highly stylized dancing. he was joined by a young woman, which caused her boyfriend/date/male acquaintance to storm out. she then went to the bathroom, and on returning to her table told her friends that "i have to leave, i did something wrong." her friends reassured her, "you didn't do anything wrong", so she went back to dancing. a gentleman who i estimate to be in his 70s got up and gave us a shuffling dance for one song. oh, and he made a valiant effort to win the free drink promised to the best dancer during the Maynards' set. Heath was not as drunk as he was at the Stage Nine gig last week, but drunk enough. Stalker Dave made some comments that indicate he may be gay for Heath. the young exchange student kept berating Heath that he should not be swearing...

sunday night

2005-02-21T10:20:00.000-04:00

what happened to everyone for movie night last night? i know it was cold out, but come on! i have to come from Highfield Dark by bus! :)

since there were only three of us (Mike, Cat, me), we ended up watching ABBA videos the whole night - actually very fun. there are some great pop songs there, and it's always enjoyable to sit back and criticize the dress, hairstyles and mannerisms of the 70s. and the costumes! and the accents (which is actually unfair, but they can make fun of mine anytime)! and the nose-picking (it's true)! and the inch-thick coating of vaseline on the lens! and the Bergman visual references! and the apparent cosmetic surgery! and the video effects! and the meaningful, sincere, longing gazes into the camera! and the thigh-high boots! okay, now i've said too much.

on the partially watched movie front, yesterday i watched the last half-hour of The Barbarian Invasions (quite moving, full of dignity and honest feeling), and 10 minutes of A Mighty Wind (the scene in which The Folksmen are horrified to learn that The New Main Street Singers are covering their song "Wandrin'", stealing their opening number - seen this one before, very funny, Mitch and Mickey almost poignant).

errands

2005-02-18T10:37:00.000-04:00

off to the mall this morning. i need a microphone for my computer.

congratulations to Death by Nostalgia on the CD release. i have to work tonight, so unfortunately i won't be at the release party. have a good time, everyone - i'll see you at brunch.

something filled up my heart with nothing

2005-02-16T23:48:00.001-04:00

most of you probably know that it's been a pretty stressful time for me over the recent weeks. both of the team managers in my department have been out sick, and i've felt like i was carrying the department on my own. the nature of my job has been to try and learn everything on the fly, and it's rare that i feel like i'm on top of things or really know what i'm doing.

today, i created a situation that resulted in my being pulled into the office of the Senior Manager of Operations and dressed down. the repercussions of what happened will probably affect the entire project. the Senior Manager will have to answer to his superiors both internally and on the client side. the result for me is that i was summarily removed from the department i was supervising, and will be demoted to phone work as of Monday.

i want to say thank you to everyone who has provided a listening ear when i've needed to talk. i apologize if i've asked for too much, or leaned too heavily, or complained too annoyingly. you all have helped me, you all sustain me. and i still refuse to be broken.

i had considered going to see The Umbrellas of Cherbourg this evening, but just was not in the headspace to enjoy it. went to see Polanski's The Fearless Vampire Hunters, or Pardon Me, But Your Teeth Are In My Neck at Dal after kat mentioned it to me (many thanks!). it was odd, heavy-handed, slapstick, bizarre, absurd and very enjoyable. i think it had something to suit every taste. a suitable antidote to a tough, tough day.

stay tuned. if overwrought hand-wringing is to your taste, you'll find my life a treat. ;)

when you're slapped, you'll take it and like it

2005-02-09T22:28:00.000-04:00

just got in from seeing Port of Shadows at the Khyber. really, really good. 1938, had a film noir atmosphere. mike and i agreed that the best scene was when the protagonist, confronted by a "gangster"/poser, doesn't waste a punch but instead slaps the guy four times. the gangster almost starts crying! hilarious.

OH MY GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE IT I'VE NEVER BEEN THIS FAR AWAY FROM HOME

2005-02-09T22:20:00.000-04:00

PSA: Kaiser Chiefs are insanely, monstrously, obscenely good. please listen, won't you?

thanks to kat for musical sustenance...

JoeRobot

2005-02-09T14:00:00.000-04:00

...is waiting for spring.

which end is up?

2005-02-09T02:37:00.000-04:00

i know everyone has nothing better to do than obsess over the minutiae of my life, so i'm sure you've noticed the changes to my schedule off to the right, here. one of the team leaders in my department is off sick for 2 weeks right now, and the other will be out for surgery next week. this means that i *used* to have this coming weekend off. guess i'll have to wait until the following weekend and see what happens. so long, brunch.

it's a bit of a lonely life.

extraction

2005-02-08T12:47:00.000-04:00

so, just got back from my consultation with the oral surgeon who will pull two of my wisdom teeth. the surgery is scheduled for March 2 - i'll have to take a couple of days off of work, i guess. it takes 2 - 4 hours to do "the procedure". who knew?

you're gonna make it after all

2005-02-08T01:57:00.000-04:00

too soon to say for sure, but everything might turn out all right in the end.

the future and its unrelenting brightness

2005-02-06T09:32:00.000-04:00

i've updated my work schedule in the sidebar. the implicit assumption is that i still have a job after monday.

and in closing

2005-02-02T22:38:00.000-04:00

went to see Jules et Jim at the Khyber this evening. i've never seen a Truffaut film before, so it was a treat. i liked how it hit the ground running in bringing the viewer up to speed with the characters - "we're going to take 3 or 4 minutes and give you the backstory and then we'll get to the story that we're really interested in". there's a certain utility in that. the narrative seemed to function more as a space within which ideas about men, women, love and relationships could be explored. whether the film was merely descriptive, or meant to prescribe the behaviour of its characters in a general sense, i couldn't tell. the characters describe themselves as "pioneers", trying to "reinvent love". is the ending a tragedy in which the characters are punished for their hubris in pursuing their unorthodox relationships, or are they martyrs to this new vision? personally, i think it's punishment, but then, i'm somewhat conservative in these matters and we see what we want to see...

and how could this day end any better than with a glass of Glenmorangie and the State of the Union?

story so far

2005-02-02T14:41:00.000-04:00

the trip to the dentist went relatively well, considering it's been longer than i care to admit since i've seen one. still no cavities! the bad news is that i'm going to have to have a couple of wisdom teeth pulled, since one is completely horizontal in my jaw. apparently this is not the ideal configuration. i guess they'll have to put me under for the surgery - i've only had surgery once before, and it was just a local anaesthetic then, so i'm not sure what i think about the unconsciousness part of the procedure...

went over to Musicstop and listened to a salesman talking to some guys about buying a first acoustic guitar. i decided it was time to leave when i began to see the sense in buying a $500 - 600 guitar to LEARN on. i hate that, when you don't really feel like you know what you're doing, and maybe you should consider yourself privileged to even be allowed into the store, and if you pick the wrong thing everyone is going to roll their eyes or laugh. okay, so that's a bit extreme, but you get the idea.

hoping that the evening shapes up better than the day has...

busy day off

2005-02-02T09:34:00.000-04:00

off to a dentist appointment at Mic Mac Mall this morning, then to Musicstop in Halifax to look at guitars, then the Khyber tonight for the Truffaut film, "Jules et Jim". fun!

sunday night movie

2005-01-30T23:37:00.000-04:00

not many people were able to make it out for movie night, so Rod, Mike and i put in double the effort. we watched Office Space, which i hadn't seen and enjoyed quite a bit. this was followed by some sort of conceptual piece by Sun Ra and His Intergalactic Arkestra, or somesuch. it did nothing to add racial tolerance, gender tolerance or sense to the world, so we sat and made fun of it. the Rosicrucians were involved somehow, which means quality every time.

t-shirt of glory (front and back)

2005-01-30T13:21:00.000-04:00

taking orders now!

UPDATE, Feb 1: for anyone who is interested, it would be $24 for a shirt. unless i can get together an order of 12, in which case the price would drop to $16 per shirt.

you know i've been training to become a cage fighter

2005-01-28T10:27:00.000-04:00

one shift between me and the weekend off. and then, i'm going to do WHATEVER I FEEL LIKE I WANNA DO! GOSSSSHHHH!!!

i offer you the Napoleon Dynamite soundboard.

no such thing as bad publicity

2005-01-26T23:59:00.000-04:00

i think it's clear that evilrobotboy's recent spat on halifaxlocals (with accompanying tribute song) is all a deliberate marketing ploy to draw attention to the forthcoming Death By Nostalgia release. ha, ha, you really had us going there!

meet me in the middle, the middle of the town

2005-01-25T01:42:00.000-04:00

storm days are fun, aren't they? especially when you live a two minute walk from work and have no excuse to stay home. a lot of other people did on Sunday, though. enough that they shut the entire building down with the exception of our project. we had 8 people staffed. 2 of those people were acting Team Leaders. to add insult to injury, the acting TLs were "asked" to take calls. good times.

today (monday) was my day off. i was called at noon because otherwise there would only be one TL available in the evening. fortunately, i was paid at time and a half for my trouble...

on a more positive note, i think i'm ready to try to quit smoking again.

by the way, anyone know to get a G.P. in this town?

saturday, marquee

2005-01-23T13:38:00.000-04:00

we got to the marquee just as Stars were starting their set (so we missed Wintersleep, what a shame, really). fashionably late is still in, right? ;) really enjoyed Stars. the Marquee was packed with people who looked like they had lost their way trying to find the Liquordome, so we were constantly moving out of the way and having to take up less space. the male singer from Stars was presented with a heart-shaped potato by someone from the crowd - he said he would make a "pipe" out of it. with the exception of a few redeeming songs, i don't see what all the fuss is about with Broken Social Scene (songs featuring five guitars?). the songs with female vocals and horns were more interesting. excuse the quality of the pictures, we couldn't get close enough to the stage. the pictures of BSS were taken from the smoking room, we were joined at our table by a guy and a girl who were much more into the band than we were. the guy thought it would be cool to light his cigarette from the candle on the table (delicious wax vapours) and proceeded to coat the cigarette with wax, making a tobacco candle of his own (funny!). when we went back out onto the floor, a bouncer was carrying/dragging out a girl who was too drunk to stand, fortunately there was no vomiting in our vicinity...

sunday morning writing

2005-01-23T13:10:00.000-04:00

not waving or drowning
but maybe surrendering
raised hands are honouring
our friends and families
remember the bedroom
cocooned in a blanket
your mother kept vigil
as you screamed in fever dreams
the heat in your body
the sweat on your chest
would break and rekindle
again with another love
matching your lips with mine
passing life back and forth
building a monument
to something impermanent
swaddled in sheets
in a sweltering twilight
our nerves would sing us
a song of biology
opening vials
of something contagious
secretly hoping that
you'd catch this sweet disease
time speeds and slows between
the seconds and years
seeking eternity
in instants of clarity
our faces reflecting
some radiant energy
coming from all around
and refracting inside ourselves...

khyber, friday

2005-01-23T09:53:00.000-04:00

most certainly HOT.

2005-01-19T13:00:00.000-04:00

in the interests of science, i have put this picture up on hotornot. the intent is to collect data which will corroborate or refute evilrobotboy's previous study.

Here is the direct link to my entry on hotornot.

that secret place where no one dares to go

2005-01-18T13:16:00.000-04:00

so, after several years of standing in record stores with Neutral Milk Hotel's In The Aeroplane Over The Sea in my hand, and ultimately not buying it, i finally picked it up on Saturday, along with Summer in Abbadon by Pinback. the Pinback album is pretty good, but i cannot stop listening to NMH. it makes me want to learn how to play guitar, so i can sit and self-indulgently play and sing the songs to myself. anybody else have an album that made them want to learn an instrument? and did you?

self-summary

2005-01-16T16:31:00.000-04:00

i was thinking of posting one of those lists that is supposed to give people a glimpse into your psyche (what do you like/dislike about yourself, etc.), but i don't think i will, for two reasons:

a. it's already been done by a friend, and many of my honest answers would overlap, so that would be creepy or boring, or boringly creepy; and
b. where my answers differ would create images in the minds of my readers that would alarm, disturb and, possibly, end in therapy.

having said that, i'm a billionaire tycoon playboy who men want to be, and women want to be with. i am 6' 2", 225 lbs and needed to have some bones removed in order to accommodate all my muscle. i am a rugged loner that loves with such raw intensity that flammable objects spontaneously ignite. i am a wit of such scathing insight that i would not have been out of place at the Algonquin Round Table. i am an expert in all things stereotypically masculine, yet surprisingly sensitive. i was educated at Harvard College Yale, and i got an A.

weeks in review

2005-01-01T20:27:00.000-04:00

...saw Woman of the Year at movie night. unfeminist. was Team Leader at work for two weeks over Christmas. stressful. saw Bad Santa at movie night. disappointing. my folks visited for Christmas. relaxing, lots of eating. went with my parents to Phantom of the Opera. melodramatic in an enjoyable way. got Nikon A75 for Christmas. score! went to New Glasgow to see Holy Shroud and North of America with James, Becka and Christina. good times, great bands. went to see Kinsey with James. clinical. had to work New Year's Eve. irritating.

...now it's 2005. let the good times roll!

motion capture

2004-12-29T15:40:00.000-04:00

what's holding up your face? nothing but blue skies.

2004-12-24T23:07:00.000-04:00

...it's been quite awhile since i posted something here. i suppose that was for the best: no one wanted to read a daily account of my disappointment with the season. all i can say is - let's get new year's over with so that we can all return to our regularly scheduled lives. "god damn the black night, with all its foul temptations..."

...that being said, i do want to wish you all a very merry christmas. i hope the new year brings surprisingly good things for everyone.

...regularly scheduled posting should resume shortly.

it doesn't show signs of stopping

2004-12-09T16:31:00.000-04:00

this just in: Christmas does not appear to be meant for single people. i think it's safe to say that all of us who are single during the Christmas season are evil, somehow unnatural, and deserve everything we get. or don't get, i guess. good luck, and happy holidays!

don't wake me, i plan on sleeping in

2004-12-09T09:14:00.000-04:00

day off today!

something glorious is about to happen

2004-12-06T19:26:00.000-04:00

...last night's film was Withnail & I. two actors are completely unequipped to handle their lives in the city, so they go for a vacation in the country to "revitalize". as it turns out, they aren't terribly adept at life in the country either - especially when Uncle Monty becomes overly interested in the monstrously heterosexual Marwood. all the characters are a bit wretched and pathetic, but quite funny.

...found out today that i will be working tomorrow night, as an Acting Team Leader. this should be good fun, given my relative inexperience. i have the advantage of not really knowing how much i don't know, so i am sheltered by my ignorance. as a result, i am largely unworried.

it's so much better on holiday

2004-12-05T16:51:00.000-04:00

...went and saw Sideways at Park Lane on Friday night. it's a film about a divorced man who is having a hard time re-engaging with his life as a single person. it stars Paul Giamatti and is very good; however, it wasn't very resonant for me because i have no idea what it would be like to go through that.

...a bunch of us got together at the Oasis afterwards for drinks, which was a lot of fun. Mike, Rod and I shut the place down. brunch seemed earlier than usual the next morning. relaxed at my apartment Saturday night, caught up on sleep. movie night tonight, but it doesn't look like many people will make it out.

...oh, i turned 33 on Friday as well.

horoscope

2004-12-02T07:44:00.000-04:00

...later this month, an unhealthily obese man with a penchant for fur accents on his wardrobe willl break into your home and leave "presents".

sense is overrated. or maybe it isn't!

2004-11-29T09:53:00.000-04:00

...i'm off today, and trying to motivate myself to go out and get groceries, or do anything at all. some days you just don't want to have to do anything. shopping is a feeling. who can say it isn't beautiful?

...listening to various albums this morning. Blues Explosion, Bloc Party, Franz Ferdinand, Stars. do you see how i narrowly avoided listening to them in alphabetical order? they sound better that way. and less alphabetical. i think i'll start listening to music in an order based on the Dewey Decimal system, which is subversive, because you have to be quiet in libraries.

...billowy is a seven-letter word that has all its letters in alphabetical order.

...True Stories is a movie that David Lynch might have made if he was taking his meds. so, David Lynch + meds = David Byrne. QED. is it just a coincidence that they share the same first name, and have a 'y' in the second position of their last names? probably. but have YOU ever seen them both in the same room? me neither. in fact, i've never seen either one in any room, except on TV, which doesn't count because it's controlled by the Masons. i thought my TV was controlled by this remote that i have in my hand (see it? it's right here), but not true. secret handshakes change my channels. and only the inner circle knows how the volume is adjusted.

...do you think general relativity has low self-esteem since that other kind is called "special" relativity? god, i hate that theory. it thinks it's so big.

...i have a big metal container that i fill with hot water, and then i lie in it. i steep in it like some kind of tea bag. it would have to be a larger-than-normal tea bag, but the similarity is there. i can assure you that this process makes for very poor tea.

i want to take you far from the cynics in this town

2004-11-26T17:41:00.000-04:00

...this week, i started my new position at work. sometimes i wonder how i wound up where i am, but it's best not to question such things. for the most part, everyone has been great, and one of the team leaders has taken on a mentoring role to help me learn the ropes. my worst fear was that i was going to arrive on the floor and be completely useless, but that hasn't been the case so far. i'm appreciative of how patient everyone has been with me.

...went to see The Unknown on Wednesday night at the Khyber. it stars Lon Chaney as a circus performer and Joan Crawford as the woman he loves. it's an odd little film that i'm sure was quite disturbing to audiences in 1927. Chaney's reputation as the "Man of a Thousand Faces" is well-deserved here: watching his character's range of emotions play across his face is completely riveting.

...stayed in Thursday night to catch up on rest. i haven't been sleeping well lately, so a night at home is required from time to time. i had intended to watch City of God, but fell asleep on the couch for 3 hours and then went to bed. oh well, guess i needed the sleep.

...i'm working this weekend, so i won't be at brunch - i will be at movie night though.

hello, art

2004-11-23T09:02:00.000-04:00

...went to the UK/Canadian Video Exchange part 2 last Friday night. i must confess that by the second half of the program, i was feeling mentally spent, as though i had seen as much experimental video art as i needed to for awhile. i did particularly enjoy Le Beau Jacques, a piece about two elderly Quebecois women who are utterly fanatical about Jacques Villeneuve - he's taken on an almost mythic quality for them. it's very entertaining, and funny, but also a comment on how we choose to fill the empty spaces in our lives.

...Monday night, i went to see a compilation of experimental animation shorts chosen by Richard Reeves. many of the works were his own, with other works by members of Calgary's Quickdraw Animation Society. much of Reeves' work takes a synesthetic approach, expressing sound as visuals. in effect, it asks the viewer to hear with their eyes. i was interested and engaged, but i don't feel like i experienced it as viscerally as others did. as i watched, it raised a number of questions for me about art, and how we interact with it. since i am fairly literal minded, maybe some of you who are creators can take a stab at answers - educate this philistine!

how do we know when we are in the presence of art?
is art relative? can something be art for me, but not for you?
is art meant to be interpreted, or should it be experienced without trying to fit it into a framework of meaning? or both?
what is art for? is it wrong to ask that question?

i know that some of these questions have been with us since the dawn of time. opinions are welcome!

weak become heroes

2004-11-20T07:27:00.000-04:00

...finished training on friday. it was interesting to interact with my classmates in a "support" capacity. it seems to me that most people discount their accomplishments: they don't reward themselves or ratchet up their self-esteem when they are successful, or even when they try something difficult and fail. but they deserve to. isn't there something heroic about a person confronting something that they're terrified of, regardless of the outcome? or in the functional and relatively happy lives that people make for themselves, despite all the hurt they've endured and the impediments in their way? in that sense, we are all heroes, when we don't give up. "That's the spirit!" How can you not be impressed by the way people survive this life, and not just survive, but flourish?

...but, for all the instances in which we are heroes, there are the moments in which we are monsters.

yeah, a tunnel from my window to yours

2004-11-18T16:16:00.000-04:00

...updates have been scarce lately, but the reason why will become clear later in this recap.

...last friday, went to see a UK/Canada Video Exchange at NSCAD. the pieces shown were hit and miss, as these things often are. a favorite sequence for me was Amen ICA Cinema: "a palindromic video completed on a palindromic date - the 20th February 2002". it plays with the linearity of time, and with language, in a way that i found appealing. Dan, Lisa and Becka were in attendance as well, and a good time was had by all (well, maybe not Lisa, who was horrified when someone thought i was her brother).

...saturday brought snow, wind and general nastiness. made it to brunch, but declined to go see Sharp Like Knives, etc. at the MicMac Friendship Centre. stayed in and watched a Matrix marathon on the Movie Network instead.

...sometime overnight Saturday, the power went out. i woke up in the middle of the night, noticed my clock was off, went back to sleep. got up at 7:30am in an apartment that was rapidly getting colder. stuck it out until shortly after 10, then bolted for somewhere with heat and light. ended up at the Paperchase. had coffee, then went and had lunch at Subway. pretended to be a telemarketer when calling Jim and Becka. headed back to the apartment, thinking that it was hardly possible that the power would still be out.

...get back to the apartment, which still has no power and is now like a meat locker. talk to Jim and Becka, who kindly invite me over. end up crashing there Sunday night. (thanks, guys!)

...head back to the apartment Monday morning. still no power. get changed and go to work, where i'm told that it could be Thursday before power is restored. excellent. end up taking calls at work, which is always fun. terrific.

...go back to the apartment Monday afternoon, where the oxygen has begun changing to a liquid. consider staying there and sleeping for 14 hours until the following morning. plan thwarted when awoken by no longer being able to feel my nose. call Jim and Becka, who offer to put me up for the night. (thanks again!)

...bus to Hfx. meet up with Jim and go with him to Rod's place for practice. thoroughly enjoy listening to the band play, get songs stuck in my head for the next 24 hours. go back to Jim and Becka's for ordered-in Greek pizza (tasty!). sleep.

...the apartment, Tuesday am. power has returned to half of my apartment. so, if all i'm looking for in an apartment is the ability to run a clock radio in my bedroom, i'm in the freaking Ritz. get changed, go to work. come home, THE POWER IS BACK ON. soak in hot bath. place contents of refrigerator in garbage bag, throw in dumpster. go to Superstore, replace groceries. get home, choose to cook something in the oven to add heat to the apartment. apartment is still cold, go to bed with three blankets and wearing a sweater over pyjamas.

...Wednesday morning. not enough hot water to take a shower. go to work. come home, apartment is now back to normal temperature, and there is plenty of hot water. have nice, long, hot shower. do laundry that was supposed to have been done Sunday. get laundry done just in time to catch bus to the Khyber for The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (accompanied by Sageev Oore). meet up with Mike and Heather. lots of fun, but the movie is not as good as Sunrise had been the week before.

...see Rod after the movie finishes. we make a trip to the bank machine and then to Ginger's for Ashley Moffat, Al Tuck, and The Secret. stay waaaay too late, and still don't get to see The Secret, since i leave at 12:30 to go back to the Darkside. (see Rancho Relaxo for rant about gig scheduling)

...and that's pretty much how things have been going. glad you asked? :)

i've been learning to drive my whole life

2004-11-18T16:12:00.000-04:00

...wouldn't it be nice to think that all the experiences you've had - the happiness and the pain, the kisses you gave and the bruises you took - were all leading to something? that your whole life has been spent preparing for the next challenge that life sends your way, and that you are uniquely equipped to handle whatever twists the universe throws at you?

...but maybe that would be naive.

keeping busy

2004-11-13T12:51:00.000-04:00

...went to see The Incredibles Thursday afternoon with Mike, Jim & Becka, and their friends Seana & Graham. SO great. highly recommended to anyone who likes things that are fun. the animation is stunning, and the movie is very funny throughout.

...also went to see a documentary, Pleasant Street by Gerry Rogers, at AGNS. the film follows the progress of two cancer patients, Ken Hickey and Leida Finlayson, after they learn of their condition. what i took away from it was a stronger sense of what it means to live, and die, with grace: to face your own mortality with dignity and a nobility of spirit. one particularly heart-wrenching scene involves Leida's friends bringing her 1000 origami cranes that they have made (a reference to a young Japanese girl, Sadako, who contracted leukemia after the atom bomb was dropped on Hiroshima). Leida's feelings of gratitude, love for her friends, and grief for her own situation were quite moving.

...took in the Tragedies performing at Gus' Pub for a Halifax Coalition Against Poverty fundraiser. i was told before the show that they hadn't had much time to practice, so things might be a bit shambolic. which they were, but still fun. the lead singer tended to wander off the stage to buy more draft whenever he didn't have to sing, including in the middle of songs. there was a lot of good-natured and hilarious heckling coming from the audience that didn't seem to bother the band, so i'll give the show a thumbs up. i wish that the posted start times for gigs were related in some way to the time that things actually get going... it's a long way from 9pm (posted) to 10:40pm (actual). Shant had a really bad headache after the show, hope he's feeling better!

songwriting contest

2004-11-11T14:14:00.000-04:00

...in commiseration with Evil Robot Boy's songwriting woes, here i channel some darkness into lyrics that i think will be judged "poor" by all but fifth-graders strung out on the drugs.

all this senseless striving
from our broken hearts deriving
wounded, just barely surviving

every day just put another
foot in front of the other
forgot why I should bother

inside us all a useless spark
losing ground against the dark
what made you think you’d make your mark?

if we stop moving then we’ll freeze
or contract some obscure disease
I’m weak, I hope nobody sees

stop to search the sky for signs
or read between these awkward lines
nothing there but our own minds

trying to find something to nurture
or believing in a better future
is a tourniquet, I need a suture

please throw only your rottenest tomatoes.

silent night at the Khyber

2004-11-11T02:04:00.000-04:00

...just got back from seeing Sunrise at the Khyber. so great. highly melodramatic by today's standards, but then, silent films aren't usually known for the subtlety of the acting. i'm a sucker for a melodrama anyway, where good triumphs over evil, or true love conquers all. Janet Gaynor has such a beautiful face... *sigh*. having live musicians accompany the film adds so much to the experience as well. at one point, the main characters are about to dance, and we see a shot of the sheet music for the piece they're going to dance to. i wondered if the musicians accompanying the film had copied that sheet music and played the piece during that sequence. it's a nice thought!

...next Wednesday at 7pm is The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari. make an effort to be there, you won't regret it.

full and robust flavour

2004-11-10T20:56:00.000-04:00

...those who know me know that the lines "underneath the shaker knit / he's a brick wall" (Metric, Wet Blanket) could only be applied to my physical being in a sense so loose that meaning is lost. given that, you may appreciate the following exchange, which occurred between me and a co-worker yesterday:

Jack (referencing The Hulk): "it's making me angry. you wouldn't like me when i'm angry."
Co-worker: "why? what happens? do you get skinnier?"

at which point hilarity ensues. thank you, and good night.

days become nights

2004-11-09T00:53:00.000-04:00

...Good Bye Lenin! was very good. it's not every film that lets you see the top half of Lenin's torso being flown around by helicopter, reaching out to rapture the faithful to the promised land. i was also intrigued by the idea of apartments in East Berlin having been completely abandoned by people escaping to the West... clothes, furniture, everything just left behind in hopes of finding a better life...

...darkness is coming too early now. it's oppressive sometimes, and feels like everything is compressing to the confines of your own head. but, it'll get better after the winter equinox, right? hmph. it always seems to me that it takes longer in the New Year for it to get lighter than it took to get dark in the fall (ie. if you were to compare sunsets one month before and one month after the equinox, the sunset in January seems earlier). my perception is wrong, though. it's about six weeks from today until the shortest day of the year: sunrise was at 7:02, sunset was at 16:54. January 31, 2005 is about six weeks after the equinox: sunrise and sunset will both be about half an hour later, at 7:34 and 17:22 respectively. better living through astronomy!

HPX/MX weekend

2004-11-07T13:39:00.000-04:00

...so, after waiting all week for the Friday night Pop Explosion show at the Marquee, it finally arrived. and it did not disappoint. well, The Holy Shroud and The Arcade Fire didn't, anyway. can't really comment on the Wax Mannequin performance, since i saw it from the comfort of the smoking lounge, deep in the throes of conversation with someone i could talk to all day. the lounge at the Marquee is so great: there are screens showing what's happening on stage and the performance is piped in. did see The Organ, but i was not terribly impressed. i suppose you could chalk it up to their reported stage fright, but i'm just not taken with the staring-straight-ahead, "we're so bored by everything" style of performance. especially when their performance was book-ended by Holy Shroud and Arcade Fire, two bands that deliver so much energy and intensity. seeing The Arcade Fire live is like attending a revival meeting - they have a message they want to get out, it's urgent, and they want you to join in their ecstasy. fantastic show.

...but on the subject of the Marquee, i was irritated by a few things. for instance, if it's a cold and windy night, and some of the attendees have advance tickets or passes, why does everyone have to stand in the ticket purchasers' line? and isn't there some minimum amount of space necessary in front of the stage to make it worthwhile for that frat boy to knock you over while he's getting there? part of my enjoyment of a concert involves breathing. and i assume that there is some design flaw in the glasses used, making them impossible to hold, since they all end up broken under my feet. but enough vitriol...

...brunch on Saturday morning was fun, as usual. i was there way too early. after getting to bed around 4am the previous night, i was on a bus to Hfx by 9:30am the next morning. it was Lisa's birthday, so we all wished her well, and continue to do so. Lisa's mother was there as well, and suggested that Jim was a "stud muffin", which is complicated on many levels (see photographic evidence here).

...Saturday night was the Mock Explosion show at Gus' Pub. Jeremy Gara (backed up by members of Arcade Fire!), Death by Nostalgia, and the Sweet Tenders played. the Jeremy Gara set was an improv on upright bass, violin, drums, keyboard and electronica. very enjoyable, and the improvisation was fairly seamless. DbN rocked the mike well, with the boys looking so precious in their glam makeup. Matt had an expression of irritation on his face for much of the set, not sure if he was or not...? the Sweet Tenders played a pretty tight set, the crowd loved them - they were calling for encores before the last song was even played! the band was coerced into two encores, and then shut it down, although there seemed to be some dissension in the band about whether they should play on. as i see it, if you're not willing to play anymore, thank the crowd, shut off your amps and start putting away your equipment. the crowd will get the idea.

...tonight (Sunday) will be movie night, and this week it's Good Bye Lenin!, which looks like it will be fun.

the weekend that was

2004-11-02T01:50:00.000-04:00

...so, while i'm in training for my new job, i have nights and weekends off. i thought this would mean that i would be doing lots of interesting and exciting things, but so far it's been something less than Playboy of the Western World action for your humble correspondent.

..for instance, i thought there would be something that I would want to do on a Friday night in Halifax. as it turns out, staying home and watching Freddy vs. Jason was the highlight of the evening.

...brunch on Saturday morning did not disappoint, however - most of the major players were there. Rod was conspicuously absent, but i think he rocked like a hurricane at NSCAD on Friday night. acceptable. Mike showed his wide-angle photos accompanied by a description of how anyone can gain access to the roof of Maritime Centre. James gave the upcoming Arcade Fire show at the Marquee his seal of approval.

...after brunch broke up, i went in search of tickets for said show. the ad in The Coast said that tickets would be on sale at Sam's, but it turns out that CD Plus is handling ticket sales for the Pop Explosion. besides, Sam's was sold out of Funeral (Arcade Fire album). so, with Jim, Dan and Mike in tow, i headed to CD Plus and was able to pick up tickets and the album. Jim was in salesman mode, and made a pretty solid pitch to Mike on a Gram Parsons double album. sadly, his efforts were in vain and fell on deaf ears. Jim was more successful in selling me on a Hidden Cameras CD (Mississauga Goddam), which held some lyrical surprises once i took it home (see linked review). i had never heard of the band before, and as i later found out, Jim only knew their musical style. ah well, live and learn.